Planking Across America: Like Son, Like Father, Like Father, Like Son

It's good to be back. Since I left you, a lot has happened, as things often happen when you are gone.

In something of an 11th hour decision, my father, Sam, decided to join me for arguable the final stretch of this little vision quest. Following a weekend at the GABF in Denver with Nick and Brian (more to come on that), I picked Pa up at the airport and we made our way north and west through the splendor of Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and Washington.

And, as we're cut from the same cloth, we got some quality father-and-son planking done along the way. Griswolds united, we plank in Wyoming and lovely Coeur d'Alene, WA:

Planking Across America

Testing the waters for Pa

Looks like the plank doesn't fall far from the plank! Natural.

Local Native American creation myth holds that Raven planked a glacier, and Lake Coeur d'Alene was formed. Beautiful.

"Daddy, why is Grandpa planking those stairs so majestically?"

Caution: No lifeguard on duty, plank at your own risk.

An evening of whimsical planking turned tragic when a sculpted buck appeared out of nowhere.

And we're spent. Mein Gott, planks the likes of these have ne'er been wrought upon the land. The Father, the Son, and the "Holy Ghost, That's A Tremendous Plank"!!!

I'd like to dedicate this special experience to both of my parents, Sam and Patty Griswold. What can be said about parents? Not nearly enough. But I'll endeavor an attempt: I owe them everything. Limitless love and thanks, folks: this planks for you.

Planking Across America: From the Archives, Planking SF Pt.1

California,

The Golden Bear State, rival to Texas and Alaska in the big-and-populous-state categories, land of Gold's Gym, home to 4 NBA teams, motherland of many of my best buds, She of Berkeley and Beverly Hills, of Bill Walton and Huey Newton, home to lots of fruits and fruit of geological antiquity, replete with fault line, Yosemite-d up, and, most importantly, an impeccable canvas for planking.

Planking Across America.
A two part installment from my June and July visit to San Francisco

Their Eyes Were Watching Planking, Photo courtesy Beef Reavey

When you plank the pride parade, you better be prepared to be upstaged

I'd like to dedicate these two S.F. planking photos to my pal Shelly Kamboj. Peerless hostess, better half of Brian, and fan of beers, Shelly also has a mother that invented Indian food*. Shelly, thanks for the fun. This plank's for you.

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*Conjecture. Claim may not be accurate.

Planking Across America: Tea Party Dog Protests Obama's Support of Debt Ceiling Bill

Noni the Dog foamed at the mouth at the news that President Obama had decided to support the compromise on the debt ceiling.

"Where's the birth cert... I mean... hold on, let me think for a second... NObama! Does that still work? Ok, great.", the ardent Tea-Party supporter and likely 2012 republican primary candidate was quoted as barking on Sunday evening.

In protest, Noni has pledged to maintain this 3/4 planking position until Obama removes his support from the ongoing legislation:

I'm convinced this is where the downward dog pose came from.

Noni's fellow party members haven't yet built up the courage to ask if she's familiar with conventional planking form, instead opting to assume she's taking the Tea Party's status quo challenging ways to their logical evolution and applying them to planking (she knows that that owling junk is just nonsense).

Planking Across America: Planking Reaches the Top of Texas

Two unexplained phenomena you can find in West Texas: The Marfa Lights and a rabid appetite for world-class planking.

Planking Across America

Planking the Curvature of the Earth or Collapsed?, Self-Portrait

Such plank heights, Self Portrait

I dedicate these inaugural Lone Star plankings to three of my oldest and dearest friends: Taylor, Kivett, and Chris. The four of us made a visit to this same planking location six years back, and while some things have changed since then, my love for the absurd has only deepened. This plankings for you, guys.

Planking Across America: Belated and Epic Cali Shots

As Chamberlain once said, good things come to those who wait.

To wit: old age, ever-expanding tech bubbles, global warming, and these planking photos from Point Reyes, crafted a few weeks back during my first visit through San Francisco on this trip and retrieved upon my return today:

Planking Across America
Planking Point Reyes and About A Million Fish, Photo credit Breavey

None Shall Pass Planking, Credit Brian


http://www.flickr.com/photos/30124598@N00/5986473494/in/photostream/
Planking Shot That Broke Blogger, Too Many Megapixels

I'd like to dedicate these beautiful planking vistas to Brian McReavey (he of and Brian fame), a good buddy and ardent supporter of advances in planking culture. Brian, if I manage to remember to get those shots of me planking the Pride Festival in SF back in June... wait, that could be taken the wrong way - let's talk offline about those. Brian, this planking's for you.

Planking Across America: Angel's Landing

Kids, don't try this at home (unless you live at Zion, in which case you should try it immediately. go on, go tell your parents you're heading to the library, i'll hold off on the blogging so you don't miss anything...):

Planking Across America:
And they said it couldn't be planked.

I'd like to dedicate this planking to Malia Killings. Malia loves a good hike, and taught me enough little camping tricks to keep me alive while living with the sky as your ceiling. This planking's for you, Malia.

Planking Across America: Bryce Canyon and Planking the Dawn

Sometimes a planking comes across that looks dangerous, but, upon closer inspection and a few well chosen words to assure the viewer otherwise, becomes something not fraught with peril, but rich with inspiration.

This (pause for emphasis) is that planking.

Planking Across America

The rarest of Eclipses, and speculated by experts to be the cause of ritual sacrifice in ancient Mayan culture, Self-Portrait

The majestic Planking Mountain Range rises gently above the sunrise, Self Portrait

Hey, this isn't Topeka... Self Portrait.

I'd like to dedicate this Planking of the Dawn* at Bryce Canyon to my future self, the one desperately and futilely trying to scrub the web of character-debilitating nuggets like this planking series that will forever haunt his hopes of a respectable public live. Here's to you, starched collar future John. This planking's for you. And don't fret - I hear Congress ain't all that great a gig anyway.

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*Hey, did you know that dawn and sunrise are two different things? I thought they were synononymous. Apparently the dawn comes before sunrise. So, in actual actuality, these are actually pictures of sunrise, not dawn. Learn something everyday, right?

Planking Across America: Los Angeles

From on high, the planking of Los Angeles. Make sure to jam this tune while enjoying the festivities below:

Planking Across America:

Planks for the memories, LA. Photo by Liz.

This planking of LA is dedicated to my LA connections, Kyle and Liz. Kyle and Liz are amazing. Thanks, y'all. This plankings for you.

Planking Across America: Pool Planking

Look:

We endeavor tirelessly* to bring you the latest in planking innovation here at WIDWINW.

Case in point, pool planking**:

Planking Across America:
Planking the great divide, Assisted Photo

Jules Verne Planking, Assisted Photo

This planking session is dedicated to Jeffrey, an enthusiastic proponent and co-conspirator of my planking dreams. Thanks for hooking up the pool, Jeffrey. This planking's for you.

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*Adverb. These are typically not welcome at WIDWINW, but we've made an exception here, because we love adverbs.
**A godsend: on the return trip from J-Tree, we stopped by Jeffrey's family's pool. Rinsed off with a hose, forward planked in, sipped on a sun-warmed Tecate, and knocked some apricots off a tree. In short: the best use of one hour of time the world has ever seen.

Planking Across America: Joshua Tree National Park

Expanding the planking art form*, vertical planking

So much natural beauty here.

And the park was nice, too.

Feast your eyes on these rare planking specimens:

We called this rock "Fist Pump Rock". This was a planking first.

The original cover of U2's Joshua Tree album

I'd like to dedicate this preservation planking to Ky and Sue, mutual friends of Jeffrey and I. Ky and Sue are alright by us. Ky and Sue, these plankings are for you.

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*Or, "beating a joke into the ground, over and over again". Believe me, it will all make sense in time.

One or More Things I Did Today

And Let It Be Known, that on July 8th, in the year of 2 thousands and 11, I was up to this:

• Went for a run alongside the lovely LA River.
• Visited the Sony Pictures lot in Culver City to pick up Jeffrey.
• While there, the following ensued:
• Planked Ecto-1*:

• Left my cell-phone in the private bathroom of the Indio Target. Rather than backtrack 20 miles, decided we'd pick it up on the return from J-Tree**.
• Made it out to Joshua Tree in time to find the place more or less deserted***.
  
• Drank beer under the stars until later than we thought it was.
• A first: slept in a sleeping bag, outside, sans tent. Where have I been all this time? Highly recommended, even if there's a chance I rattlesnake/scorpion/tarantula may take your pie-hole for a cozy motel.

As they say, "It was a Day".

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*Anecdote Corner: According to Jeffrey, Sony is interested in making a third Ghostbusters film, only no one has been able to reach Bill Murray. Apparently BM doesn't have an agent, but rather an answering machine that he periodically checks when he decides he wants to work. In other news, I'm hoping to be reincarnated as Bill Murray. But instead of being reincarnated as Bill Murray, I'd rather just have an answering machine I can decide to check when I want to work. Is that too much to ask? No? Thanks for the confirmation. I figured as much, but I needed a little affirmation.
**Worked like a charm.
***Wait, just now picking up on the linguistic similarities between "deserted" and "desert". Is there something going on here? Let me know.

Planking Across America: Malibu

Planking has reached the big time: Malibu.

Planking Across America

Planking isn't just inane - it also evens out a tan.

I dedicate this planking to Chris and Rachael, great hosts and all around cool folks who fed me and kept a roof over my planking apparatus yesterday. This planks for y'all, y'all.

Planking Across America: Cat Planks in Protest of Minnesota Government Shutdown

Even Petey is getting in on the act:

Searching for Sandy.

As far as I can gather, he's not coming out until an agreement is met in Minnesota. Political planking**!

This planking is dedicated to my Dad, who has always adored cats, and as of recently adored planking (or so I'd guess). This Petey planking's for you, Pa.

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*Thanks for Liz for the lead and the keen eye.
**Hey, it worked for Gandhi.

Planking Across America: Big Sur Edition

It's been rumored that Jack Kerouac was and continues to be the spiritual inspiration for planking.

Think about that for a second.

Done?

Then check out these sublime planking shots, snap your fingers to a bee-bop beat, and ponder infinity:

National Geographic Planking, Natural Habitat, Self Portrait

Planking Nature's Splendor, Assisted Shot

Planking the Plank, Meta-planking, Assisted Shot

Planking the Abyss, ft. Oblivious Japanese Tourist, Assisted Shot

Planking the Unknown, Mind-expanding Plank, Invisible Shot

I'd like to dedicate this planking compendium to Nick and Dan*. Nick and Dan, these planks are for you.

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*Brian, your dedication is in the mail. I swear! Send me those photos.

Planking Across America: Pebble Beach

Insert tasteless joke about Tiger Woods planking here.

Pebble Beach, one of the most storied golf courses in the world, has finally been planked*:

Planking Across America

I've finally made it

Which would you rather do: watch a telecast of golf, or watch someone plank a golf course? Exactly.

This planking is dedicated for my buddy Chris Dukeminier, the best golfer I know. This planks for you, Duke.

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*I know, I know - I'm not on the actual golf course itself. But look at it this way: I decided to take the $500 in green fees it takes to play a round at Pebble Beach and reinvest those funds into this blog. I'm no absentee landlord!

Planking Across America: Mt. Shasta

There is over 14,000 feet of planking in this photo:

Planking Across America
And they said it couldn't be planked.

I'd like to dedicate this plank to Sam and Emilia. While the schedule didn't allow for me to get down to Costa Rica, please accept this planking as an offer of my affection. Samelia, this planking is for you.

Planking Across America: Jumping the Shark, Literally

You've got to be kidding me.

First it was Pearl Jam.

Then Pogs.

And now this?

Australian tourist seals planking in Pacific Grove, California

Just when I think I get in on the ground floor of something, Mother Nature has to go and make me feel like a Johnny Come Lately. Is there any fad she won't scoop me on?!

Introducing: Planking Across America

It's time to write a post I've been putting off for a little while now.

To be frank, I didn't know quite how to go about introducing this section of the blog.

"Am I manic enough right now to do justice to this inaugural planking post?", I wondered, sitting here in the side yard of Oren's place in Monterey.

And, "While this blog has embraced its fair share of the absurd and asinine*, do I really want to go whole hog on that front**?"

But then I thought back to when I first heard about planking***, and I became inspire to push forward with vigor.

If you have heard of planking, yes, sadly it's become a feature of this blog. If you haven't, then I encourage you to click on the link above.

The origin:
At a bachelor party for my dear friend Peter a couple of weekends back, I was introduced to the idiot's Theory of General Relativity. In something that only Australians could have come up with, planking entered into my world like a terrible vision to some half-witted prophet.

After sitting there for a weekends worth of gestation, this superlatively stupid idea emerged out of the other half of my brain, like some sort of moronic butterfly.

So, without further ado, and in the spirit of all of the great fools that have graced our world through the years, I'm pleased to share the ne plus ultra of inanity, the latest contribution towards the ultimate decline of culture within Western civilization,

Planking Across America:

Planking the front porch of 3946 Davis St., Departing Portland, Self Portrait

My god, look at that exquisite form. Like a horizontal Ken Sailors, I lay and ply the trade of the honest.

This inaugural planking post is dedicated as a bachelor party gift to the man who inspired this section, Peter Olah. This one's for you, Pete.

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*Hm... new masthead?
**Irrelevant point as of this typing. The truth is I was already too deep to get out when I began this post.
***"Potentially dangerous". Let the sensationalism commence!

Planking

More on that later.